A Guide to Owning Your Image, From Selfies to Sexts

Go ahead, do it. Open your phone and scroll through your camera roll. Now, find a picture of yourself that you actually like. Not just one where you look “fine,” but one where you look relaxed, confident, and genuinely you.

It’s harder than it sounds, right?

For most men, our photographic legacy falls into two deeply awkward categories. The first is the public-facing man: stiff as a board in every vacation photo, sporting the same forced half-smile (or stoic stare) he’s had since his high school yearbook. The second is the private man: the one who, in an attempt to be sexy for a partner, ends up taking a clinical, poorly-lit, unsolicited photo of his own anatomy that lands with all the grace of a dropped encyclopedia.

These two guys—the rigid statue and the clumsy amateur photographer—are symptoms of the same problem. And it’s not that we’re unphotogenic. It’s that we’ve never been taught how to be comfortable in front of a camera.

This is a guide to closing that gap. We’re going to get real about why we’re so weird in photos, and then I’m going to give you some practical advice on how to own your image—whether it’s for your partner’s Instagram or just for their inbox.

The Diagnosis: Why Are We So Awkward?

It boils down to a single concept: the performance of masculinity. From a young age, many men are taught that the ideal is to be stoic, in control, and unbothered. We build up this “masculinity armor.” Posing, smiling genuinely, or being playful in a photo can feel like a crack in that armor. It feels vulnerable. So we default to the “safe” option: looking cool, tough, or just tolerating the experience.

The infamous “junk pic” comes from the same place. It’s a misguided attempt to express desire through a blunt, unemotional objectification of the self. Why? Because showing your actual body, trying to be genuinely sensual, or conveying intimacy feels far more vulnerable—and therefore, more risky—than just showing a body part.

The Public Image: How to Not Hate Your “Normal” Photos

Let’s start with the basics. You don’t need to learn a thousand poses. You just need to unlearn a few bad habits.

• Relax Your Damn Face. The tense, forced smile is your enemy. The next time someone points a camera at you, stop trying to look “cool” and start trying to look “happy.” Think of a genuinely funny inside joke. Let a real smirk happen. It feels vulnerable for a second, but it looks a thousand times better than your default “I’m tolerating this” face.
• It’s All in the Angles. Never face the camera head-on like it’s a mugshot. Just turning your body slightly to the side makes you look more dynamic and relaxed. A slight lowering of the chin can also create a stronger jawline. It’s a small change with a huge impact.
• Give Your Hands a Job. The eternal question: “What do I do with my hands?” The answer is anything but letting them hang awkwardly at your sides. Put one in your pocket. Hold your drink. Rest your arm on your partner’s shoulder. Just give them a purpose.

The Private Image: How to Take a “Spicier” Photo That’s Actually Good

Okay, now for the main event. If you want to send a photo to your partner that actually creates desire, you need to remember one cardinal rule: It’s about suggestion, not presentation.

• It’s About the Whole Canvas. Your most attractive asset is not your anatomy; it’s your confidence and your overall form. A photo that hints at more is infinitely sexier. Think about a shot showing the clean line of your hip above your jeans, the curve of your back in good lighting, or you looking relaxed and confident in just a towel. Showcasing your physique—your shoulders, your abs, your thighs—creates a mood.
• Light is Your Best Friend. Stop using the harsh, straight-on bathroom flash. It’s a crime. Use the soft light from a window. Let shadows create mystery and highlight definition. Hint at things instead of blasting them with light. Sensuality lives in the shadows.
• Confidence is the Secret Ingredient. The real key to a great spicy photo is feeling genuinely good in your own skin. And that, right there, is where grooming comes in.

The Foundation: How Grooming Unlocks Your Photogenic Self

You can’t feel confident in a photo if you don’t feel confident in your own skin. It’s that simple.

When you’re not subconsciously worried about unruly back hair, a unibrow, or feeling unkempt below the belt, you are fundamentally more relaxed and confident in front of a camera. When you know your canvas is clean, you’re not afraid to show it.

A professional back wax gives you the freedom to be shirtless without a second thought. A sharp eyebrow shaping makes you look more rested and put-together in every single selfie. And a clean, professional Brazilian gives you an unshakeable, foundational confidence that comes through in your most intimate moments, on or off camera.

My job is to handle the details so you can build that confidence. Let’s get your canvas ready. Let’s unlock the most confident, photogenic version of you.